The Real Insane Asylum

This page is about the people I have worked with in the past, most of whom should actually be locked away in Arkham for good. It shows a brief insight into what it is like to work in a Loony Lodge.
DAVE:The first chap we see used to be the main brunt of most of my jokes and mickeytakes. This bloke is called Dave and he is a trainspotter and as such used to receive a lot of stick from me. Dave is trying to enter the world of the home PC but being ripped off by colleauges doesn't help him much. Waggy has a lot of hate directed at him for that, but I thought it was a good deal too. RETIRED
	TERRY: This geezer is Terry and he is partially responsible for me being partially responsible. Terry lives on the outskirts of Shrewsbury and for the last twenty years has been coming to work on a Puch moped, but he has just started coming in his car. Well, he had to really, the petrol he put in it in 1979 has finally run out and he ain't puttin' no more in! Terry has pushed me to be more responsible with money and it did work for a while. I only bought a new car, three piece suite, computer, Sony Playstation and a house. Better luck next time Tez. One of Tez's claims to fame is that his neighbour is "No Nobby Bobby" sex change sensation PC Claire Ashton (used to be called Tony). Terry says Claire can enjoy doing barbecues in the nude again.
WAGGY: This miscreant used to be an electrician while I was in the Maintenance Dept at work, now he has left our department to join CAT Electronics and is getting used to putting his feet up. Wag is a bit of an entrepreneur and a bit of a builder. He is always looking for moneymaking schemes and has spent the last two years putting an extension up on his house. His wife and kids are pleased that the extension is finished as it means they can lock him away from the normal people in the world. TRANSFERRED
	ALBERT: Some of you who know me or have visited the Knight Site in the past will have seen a piccy of this chap. His name is Bob but we used to call him Albert at work. His primary directive in life is to obtain and accumulate as much money as is humanly possible. Next year I am considering having a sex swap op and asking him to marry me. I can have a swap reversal and then take half of his cash. That should last me till I'm 252 years old. Bob was well known for bringing the sweets into work every Monday. The only problem is that he used to scoff them all before I got there! Bob took early retirement so he can count his money everyday! RETIRED
CAPTAIN: Next up is John or Captain as we call him. He likes a glass of beer now and again and has obtained the name Storm Drain for his capacity. John also likes pottering around the country on his barge stopping at most of the taverns along the way. John cheered the mood up whilst we were all having a beer in the Steam Waggon pub one christmas , by throwing up into a plastic bag full of Chelsea Buns. He did this while he was sat with his drink, he then put the bag under the seat and carried on getting bevvied! This bloke is a God. He hasrecently become a GAS Engineer, god help anyone with an ABF (Acute Boiler Failure, haven't you seen the adverts?). RETIRED
	HAYNUS: This inmate is a serious individual who I used to work with and he can often be seen collecting the tea money every week, he doesn't use menacing behaviour anymore though. Mark, or Haynus as we call him is a big fan of the Toon. That's Newcastle United to you and me. If there's money to be made you can guarantee he's maiking it! (Just not from betting on Newcastle to win though!)
FG: Like Captain, Andy here is a bit of a drinker. He likes to get a few bevvies down of an afternoon. Here you can see him pictured with one of his best mates. Andy has the unfortunate nickname of Fat-Guts, which isn't very nice at all. The main instigator of this name calling is Mark (above), no surprise there then. Andy is now PC literate and can be found bouncing around the net every weekend looking at the Carling, Boddingtons and Worthingtons web sites!
	MERLIN: This geezer is called Merlin, no really, that is his real name. He has a penchant for speedy Fords and has also been seen in a rather smashing Blue Speed Machine Montego. Merl was my father figure at work and as this is the case, he used to call me an as*hole every morning just to remind me where I stood in the scheme of things. Merl lives just around the corner from me and refuses to give me a lift to work 'cos I am an A-hole. Nice...
EDDIE: This is Eddie, the international playboy. Here you can see him in his usual pose, normally there are people shouting "Where's Eddie? Heeeee's on the phooooone agaaaaiiin" Ed has joined the PC world and is online too. Ed recently contracted the Happy 99 virus on his PC and it was lucky I didn't open an e-mail attachment that he sent me, by mistake of course. Eddie is also a speed freak and has two Ducati bikes and a microlight which he thrashes the asses off.
	ROB: This chap is the supervisor of most people you see here. His name is Rob and like Terry & Bob, he spends as much of his time accumulating as much cash as he can. Rob is also to be found calling me all of the names under the sun, unless there are women present. Apparently, I appear to him as a "Laboratory experiment gone wrong". This picture to the left is untouched and I would never dream of doing so. The last time I did a picture of Rob I put his head on a Sumo Wrestlers body. I'm still paying off the compensation and solicitors fees!
SLUG: This piece of work is Slug, (AKA Wayne). Slug comes from a little village just outside Shrewsbury where everyone is related to each other. He is a keen biker, building Rat-Bikes and other abhorrations. Sometimes he can become unstable and take to thrashing people who narc him off. This picture of Slug is one of the best I have ever seen as he always to be acting silly in all of them. At least this one captures that "natural psychotic look"
	CHRIS: This is Chris, or Millennium as we know him. He has this nickname because of his dome on the top of his balding head. Chris also puts a lot of effort into being as rude and twisted as he possibly can. He must watch some funny videos! Chris is another who is difficult to get on film and this picture was a fluke.
ARFON: Another retired resident of this asylum is Arfon, who happens to be Welsh. While I was wandering around with the digital camera at work catching most peoples images, Arfon evaded me. All day! I got one picture of him but until I get a decent one the substitute here will do. (Snigger!!) Arfon lives just outside Shrewsbury and used to travel to work in his Peugeot, making sure he remembers to put the booster seat on the drivers side! He comes originally from Nefyn in Wales and I often wished that he'd stayed there. RETIRED
	DAVE: Another substitute picture here. This guy is called Dave and he comes from Wem. Dave's hair is also (like Chris') receding a tad. It takes him longer and longer each day to wash his face. He also has the nickname Chimp, which he loves being called. He calls me Bobby Bigears to get his revenge, but my ears aren't big it's because my head is small. RETIRED
ALI G: Boyakasha.Not strictly a workmate but none-the-less he deserves to be in the asylum. Ali G appears on the 11 o'clock Show and has carried out some excellent interviews. My fave quote is when he interviewed Welsh MP Ron Davies: "What is so good about the Wales, 'cos, no offence, me heard it's crap".Nuff respeck. Bo! RETARDED
Below we have a picture of a team that I played with for fun. In August 1996 this team played Nescliffe at Nescliffe. The final score was 8-0 to them. At this time we all worked at Perkins but since that 4 have left. To get a larger image click on the one below.

Back Row: Fred Nickless-Karl Barlow-Shane Harris-Jeremy Shingler-Steve Grady-Rob Deacon-Colin Andrews-Allen Bates
Front Row: John Page-Neil Richards-Willie Hanmer-ME-Tony Mullineux-Dave Griffiths
More inmates to come!!!! When I get more pictures.
Page updated 18th March 2000